Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Can You Hook a Teen? Contest

Evening guys.

I find it pretty fitting that my 100th blog post is the first 250ish words of my YA.  I wanted it to be about rhinos, you'll find out about that tomorrow, but decided that since this is my writing blog...

 Anyway.  I'm entering Brenda Drake's Can You Hook a Teen?  contest.  Let me know if you are too, would love to read your entries.

Here you go.  The title is She Knows Death and it's a YA Paranormal.

***

The cold steel of the knife cutting into my side was what made me realize this was really happening.
 Frozen with shock, I stared down at the crimson stain as it spread through the white shirt I wore. To think I’d originally come here to ask forgiveness for not making it in time, knowing I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it anyway. I needed to apologize.
 His name was Landon, and the way he looked at me like I wasn’t really there, scared me. He took a step back and dropped the steak knife to the floor.  Its blade was painted red and made a mess where it landed, flecks of blood splattering his jeans and sneakers.
 “You were the closest to him. You should have saved him,” Landon said with cold detachment while wiping a stained hand down the side of his jeans. “My best friend is dead and somebody has to take responsibility for it.”
 His face said that I was nobody to him and good for him that he didn’t know or care about me.
 I was stunned and all I could think about was that he had stabbed me twice and I was still standing here, staring at him. Instead of realizing what he had done and helping, he just stood across from me next to the bloody knife and kept on wiping his hand against his jeans, the action somehow clinical. The guy was stone cold and completely crazy.
             As blood seeped through my fingers, I wondered why I didn’t feel anything but pushed the thought out of my mind.


***

So go ahead and critique.  Remember the sandwich thing.

K bye!

7 comments:

  1. I love the opening line. ...flecks of blood splattering _this_ jeans and sneakers. Typo?

    I'm intrigued and want to know why he doesn't feel anything.

    I entered too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A brilliant opening, you've totally hooked me. Landon intrigues me, his attitude and why he thinks it's okay to make her pay for his friend's death?
    love the title, too

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, crazy, I'm all mad that you ended it. Great job, you really hooked me. I was screaming at him to run or call 911. Good luck with the contest! <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for the good words. You guys rock!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I actually didn't really like this beginning... and that's because you end with the line, "...but pushed the thought out of my mind."

    ...to me, this puts up a huge red flag that in the very next line we're going to get thrown back a week, an hour, a day, somewhere into the backstory that leads up to this moment and honestly, that's a real pet peeve of mine. I don't want backstory. If this isn't the moment where everything start to change for your character, I'd rather you began the story at that point.

    ReplyDelete
  6. 1000th monkey, I get what you're saying. I'll be sending the new first chapter to my CPs early next month and hear what they have to say about it. Thanks for the input.

    ReplyDelete